


Thank God For Days Off

by GirlsRuletheWorld



Series: Promptober Fics 2017 [28]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Coming Out, Bottom Castiel, Car Accidents, Comatose Castiel, Dean Raises His Brothers, Dean is Cas' Angel, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Profound Bond, Self-Harming Castiel, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide trigger warning, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-01-26 05:35:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12550300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlsRuletheWorld/pseuds/GirlsRuletheWorld
Summary: Dean's relaxing at home when a voice calls out for help. Desperately, he tries to save the life of the man he found in the woods. Who is he? Where did he come from? Dean wonders as he sits by his hospital bed.





	1. Into The Woods

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: There are two attempts at committing suicide by a major character and many self-hating thoughts
> 
>  
> 
> This is for a writing challenge in the FB group "Destiel NaNoWriMo" it's based on Inktober while also preparing the writers for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) in November: The challenge is that participants have 24 hours after the post is up to write a short ficlet of 500 to 2000 words based on the word of the day.
> 
> If you wanna join? Just ask to join our group. Make sure you answer the three questions so we know you're interested :) http://bit.ly/DestielNaNoWriMo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds a dying man in the woods. Getting him help was first and foremost. Everything else was put on the back burner. Only thing that mattered was saving his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy it :)

**~28th Prompt of Promptober~**  
  
**~Word: Fall~**

 

 

**Chapter 1: Into The Woods**

 

            Not very often did Dean take time to be by himself, so it was something he gladly took advantage of when the time arose. He did have two younger brothers to raise. Time alone wasn’t something he could afford. Between working at Singer Auto Repair and under the table at the Roadhouse Bar, Dean was able to pay his family's bills and even started to build a little bit of a savings.

            It’d been nearly four years since his father had disappeared without a trace. But because John was on the road all the time hauling loads around the country the police had thought nothing was amiss. Not wanting his brothers to be split up in the foster care system, Dean took it upon himself to work harder than he ever had. They didn’t have much, but they were happy and had everything they needed.

            His boss and friend Bobby had demanded Dean take three days off to relax and take care of himself. Two of which were school days. So, there he sat, alone on a Monday morning, on the front porch swing, with a cup of coffee. Unwinding. Letting the silence of the forest envelope him. Dean found himself drifting, watching the beautiful red, orange, and yellow leaves flutter to the ground.

            The sound of leaves crunching broke the peaceful silence. Dean’s eyes quickly scanned the tree line.

            “He-lp” A fragile scratchy noise carried on the wind. “Please” It said fading. The cup fell from his hands, shattering on the porch, as he ran in the direction of the voice.

            “Hello?” Dean called searching through the woods. “Where are you?” When there was no answer Dean thought he was going crazy. But he knew what he’d heard so he searched high and low for well over an hour until he stumbled upon the body of a tall man. “Hey” He said gently realizing the man was bleeding badly. “Can you hear me?” Dean said checking for a pulse. The man was breathing, but just barely. Without delay Dean pulled off his belt and used it as a makeshift tourniquet on the dying man’s leg. He then picked him up and ran as fast as he could towards his house. Luckily, he encountered the main road where his neighbor Jody was returning from work. “Help” Dean said as she stopped her patrol car “Jody! We need to get to the hospital!”

            “What happened?” She yelled out her window as Dean rushed towards the passenger door. “Oh, my goodness! Get in quickly!” As soon as the door was shut Jody sped off like a bullet from a gun, sirens blazing as they barreled towards the hospital. “Start talking young man. What the heck happened?”

            “I don’t know” Dean said gently shifting the man on his lap. “I found him in the woods. Jody something awful must’ve happened to him. He’s hurt badly.” Just then Dean watched those dull blue eyes flutter open. “Hey there buddy!” He said softly “Don’t worry we’re going to the hospital now. You’re gonna be ok.”

            “Th-ank y-you” The man said so softly the pair nearly missed it as he closed his eyes again.

            “Hey, wake up” Dean panicked tapping his face, “What’s your name?” This time he was prepared and leaned his ear closer to the man’s mouth “Who are you?”

            “Ca-s-iel N-o-“ He cut off, passing out.

            “Shit” Dean cursed, “Jody he’s completely out”

            “We’re almost there Dean” She said gripping the steering wheel, “Were you able to get his name?”

            “Sounded like Cas something followed by an N.” As soon as they pulled up to the emergency room, the door was ripped open and Cas was torn from his arms. Rushed to the prepped surgical room. He rushed out of the car intending to follow after the man.

            “Dean” Jody said grabbing ahold of him. “You can’t go with him. The doctors need to do their jobs and I need to do mine. I need to get an official statement from you about what happened.”

            “Jody, the man has no family here. I’m not going anywhere until they’re here by his side.”

            Seeing the conviction in the young man’s eyes Jody sighed, “Fine. I’ll have Bobby stop by your place to grab you some clean clothes. Let’s get inside where I’ll take your statement.” As they walked into the waiting room she continued “Then I’m going to go to the station to gather a group of officers and tracking hounds to search those woods. We’re gonna figure out where that poor man came from.”

            “Thanks Jody” Dean didn’t understand what had happened, but he knew with every fiber of his being that he wasn’t leaving the hospital until the man came around.  

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            Two weeks passed where the man laid resting peacefully in the hospital bed with Dean visiting every waking moment he had. The doctors said he was in a coma for his own good. If they were to allow him to wake up now he’d be in excruciating pain. News reports circulated the airwaves and tv channels, but the pictures of Cas weren’t shown, for his face was so bruised up they were sure no one would know him as their family member if they saw him.

            So, having no other option Jody and every volunteer imaginable searched through the woods looking for anything that could lead them to identify the man.

            A search of the national database brought up thousands of Cas N’s. They’d been able to narrow it down to a couple hundred based on his gender, eye color, and assumed age. But it still wasn’t good enough.

            “I found something!” A volunteer yelled, “Over here!” The police rushed to where the woman stood. Pointing down into the small ravine, they could clearly see the outline of a car.

            After running the plates Jody found the car registered to one Castiel Novak. He’d been reported missing two and a half weeks prior. Within minutes she’d found a phone number for his next of kin. Chuck and Amara Novak. Wasting no time she dialed the number, waiting with bated breath as the phone rang.  

            “Hello?” A man’s voice answered,

            “Hello, my name is Jody Mills with the Lawrence Police Department. I’m calling for a Chuck or Amara Novak”

            She heard the gasp and shuffling of the phone “Yes ma’am, I’m Chuck Novak.”

            “I’m calling to let you know that we’ve located your son Castiel.”

            “Is he alright!?” Chuck said, voice tinged with tears,

            “He’s alive. We don’t know any of the details but from what we gather he was in a bad car accident and found by a local man.”

            She heard crying and a voice off of the line. She waited patiently knowing the father was emotional at hearing his son was alive. Finally, a voice asked, “What city did you say he was in?” This was a different male voice she realized, “My father and mother are too upset to get the details at the moment.”

            “Lawrence, Kansas.”

            “Can you tell me more about his condition Sheriff Mills? Why were we not contacted sooner?”

            “Sir that’s because he’s been in a medically induced coma since he was found. I’m not goin lie to you. The doctors say his chances of surviving this are slim. I feel as if someone from your family should get here as quickly as possible to be with him.”

            “We’re leaving Melbourne, Florida in a couple minutes. We’ll be there as soon as possible.”

            “I understand. I’ll tell the hospital staff to expect you.”

            “Sheriff?” The man questioned,

            “Yes Sir?”

            “Please tell me my baby brother hasn’t been alone in the hospital all this time.”

            “No Sir. The man who found him has been with him every minute he can spare.” She heard the sigh of relief on the other end of the phone.

            “Oh, thank God.” He said moving the phone, “Goodbye Sheriff Mills. We’ll be seeing you shortly.”

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            Dean sat in the plush chair next to Cas’ bed as he did every night. He’d been told that people in comas could sometimes hear what was said to them. So, he decided he would read aloud the book for his online English class. The Hobbit.

 

_"You have nice manners for a thief and a liar," said the dragon. "You seem familiar with my name, but I don't seem to remember smelling you before. Who are you and where do you come from, may I ask?"_

_"You may indeed! I come from under the hill, and under the hills and over the hills my paths led. And through the air. I am he that walks unseen."_

 

            “You know Cas I think this Bilbo character is much smarter than anyone gives him credit for. They didn’t do an amazing job of portraying his intelligence in the movies. But what do you expect? The movies are never as good as the books.” He chuckled as he reopened the book,

            “You must be Dean.” A man’s voice said softly, causing him to jump out of his seat. Standing in the doorway were four men and a woman. All with tears in their eyes. “They said you’ve practically been living in our son’s hospital room since you found him.” The woman and older man, rushed towards the bed where Cas lay resting. “I’m Chuck. Castiel’s father.” He was a deer in the headlights. This was Cas’ family? Quickly Dean moved the bulky chair away from the bed. Intending to leave to give the family their space.

            “You don’t have to leave.” The woman spoke, crying softly as she ran her finger through her son’s hair.

            “We were so thankful to hear that Cas wasn’t alone all this time.” One of the other men said to Dean. “I’m Michael, these are my and Cas’ brothers Lucifer and Gabriel.”

            “It was no bother really” Dean said, looking back at the comatose man, “I can’t explain it. I just felt like I had to be here with him.”

            “Thank you doesn’t seem to cover what we feel. We can never repay the kindness you’ve shown towards our baby brother. Please continue to come visit him anytime you like Dean.” Lucifer said pulling Dean into a hug, “It’s because of you that we’re here and not at a grave site mourning his loss.”

            “You’re welcome” He said rushing from the room. Being there with them like that made Dean feel like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Cas meant something to him. What it was he had yet to figure out, but he would keep visiting the hospital until he unraveled the mystery.


	2. At The Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel, completely devastated when his parents reacted horribly to his coming out comes to the realization that everyone would be better off without him in their lives.

**Chapter 2: At The Grave**

 

            He’d never felt so horrible in his life. Never. Not even when he was in high school and was beat up by the school bullies daily, to the point of having to press charges against them. No. This was far worse. His family hated him. “I gotta go” He said moving quickly past his brothers.

            “Cas,” Lucifer said, pulling him into a hug, “Just give them time. They’ll come around eventually. Please be patient and don’t do anything regrettable.”

            “Baby bro,” Gabriel said softly, joining the bear hug, “We love and accept you Castiel. You’re our brother and we want you to be happy with the life you’re living. Stay for the night. You don’t have to come out of your room or even stay here. We can get you a hotel room.” Cas could feel his brothers shaking, “Please don’t drive tonight Cas.”

            “I-“ Cas said, feeling unsure, “I’m ok to drive. I promise” Untangling himself from the pair, he continued “I’ll text you when I stop for the night.” Just as he was about to step into his car another voice called out,

            “They’re right you know,” His eldest brother Michael walked out the front door towards the group. “You really shouldn’t be driving tonight.”

            “Michael, I’m-“ Cas cut off as Michael approached, placing his hand awkwardly on Cas’ shoulder

            “I don’t wanna act like I understand or accept what all has been said today. But if you’re leaving now I just—I just want you to know I still love you no matter what. It might be against the Bible and God but that doesn’t mean I don’t still love and care for you Cas.” Normally his big brother would have pulled him into a hug and ruffled his hair by this point, but instead a sad smile crossed Michael’s face while his hand squeezed Cas’ shoulder.

            Cas sniffled, feeling his heart break more, as he wordlessly got into his car and drove away from his childhood home. Silence shrouded the car as he drove through the winding roads. His mind racing a mile a minute.  _ They love me. I know they do. They’re just upset I’m not who they want me to be.—I’m not going to hell for loving men—They’ll come around eventually. Everyone says parents who truly love their children do.—But what if they don’t love me enough to get past this. _ It just got to be too much. The tears started and wouldn’t stop. It was to the point Castiel had to pull over because he was unable to see the road before him. After bawling his eyes out for well over an hour no more tears came. He felt hollow and tired. The nearest hotel was only a couple minutes away.

            As soon as Castiel had his room he fell into bed and slept through the night. He’d call his brothers in the morning. It was a dreamless sleep but restful.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            Driving over the next two days was certainly easier. Though thoughts of self-hate and harm constantly flooded his head. He tried to drown them out with the music playing softly and the windows rolled down. Trying to enjoy that beautiful Florida air. Trying to bring up his gloomy mood. He’d texted his brothers letting them know he was doing alright and had heard back from them. He didn’t want to hear their voices. It was too painful. They might support him, but they had stayed silent as his parents and Michael had ripped him to shreds.

            He hadn’t heard from his parents since leaving the house. So, when his cell rang he answered it without thinking. “Hello?”

            “Cas” His father’s voice answered, “Can you talk son?”

            “Sure.” Cas said shakily pulling his car into a parking lot.

            “Your mother and I we-uh- wanted to tell you that we love you.” Tears were running down his face at hearing him say it, “We just—we’re having a hard time dealing with—everything.”

            “I understand.”

            “Cas” His father hesitated “There’s this place you can go to get help son. Our pastor told us about it. Says it’ll help you with these urges of yours—” He couldn’t take anymore and hung up on his father. This should’ve been expected. His parents being so religious and old fashioned in manners of the heart and sexuality. But he’d prayed this—him coming out would change their minds and hearts. As if on autopilot Cas got back on the road and drove away. Just as the sun was starting to set he came across an area he didn’t recognize. 

            Crossing a bridge connecting the two sides of the ravine Cas realized, This was it. This could be the answer to all his prayers. The end of it all. The pain and heartache could end right now if he let it. His family would be better off. Sure, they’d mourn his loss but they’d get over it eventually. They didn’t need him around  _ soiling _ the family name. As his father put it or  _ embarrassing  _ her as his mother said. No. This would be cleansing and healing for them all.

            The forest around the ravine made it difficult to drive his car far enough away from the road that it wouldn’t be found. But the time had come. His family didn’t truly love him. They would be so much better off without him. He knew this at the very core of his being. With that he slammed his foot on the gas pedal and felt as if he was lighter than air as the car fell into the ravine. The crunching of metal was the last thing he heard before his world went dark.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            He was floating. His body lay beneath him within the car. 

_             Live _ a voice rang, clear as a bell as he was thrown into his body. Waking he experienced the most intense pain he’d ever felt. Slowly, Castiel made his way out of the car. It wasn’t easy going. Every move he made felt like nails were being hammered into his body. But somehow, he found the strength to climb up the side of the ravine.

            Through the cold night Cas crawled endlessly through the rocks and leaves, going nowhere in particular but knowing he had to keep moving towards something. He chose the brightest star in the sky and moved in that direction. Just before the blackness enclosed around him. The lights in the distance appeared, but he could go no farther. His body gave out on him just as the first rays of sunshine rose above the horizon.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            This time when he woke he didn’t try to move. He knew he’d just pass out again. “Help” He called as loud as he could in the silent forest. “Please” Off in the distance he thought he heard the faint sound of glass shattering but couldn’t be sure. His body no longer felt like his as he laid there contemplating his death. It was stupid of him to do this. How could he have let it go this far.  _ Please let me live Lord. _ Castiel prayed feeling rough hands touch his cold body, and lift him from the ground.

            Time slowed as he felt the temperature rise around him. “I found him in the woods. Jody something awful must’ve happened to him. He’s hurt badly.” He wanted, No Needed to see the face of the man who had saved him. Feeling as if he were lifting two-ton bricks Castiel opened his eyes. “Hey there buddy!” The angel, whispered. Cas missed everything else as his eyes drifted closed. Even with his help Castiel knew his life was coming to an end.

            “Th—ank y—you”

            “What’s your name?” He heard through the fog as a hand tapped his cheek. “Who are you?”

            “Ca-s-iel N-o-“ It was the best he could do as he slipped away. He’d fought as hard as he could. His life was in God’s hands now.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            If this was Heaven, he didn’t ever want to see another being again. The voice was so soothing and smooth. Though he felt himself floating through space, he felt so at peace. His only companion the occasional disembodied voice. Guiding him towards a destination yet unknown to him. It was reading him a favorite book of his. The Hobbit.

 

_ “Where did you go to, if I may ask?' said Thorin to Gandalf as they rode along. _

_ 'To look ahead,' said he. _

_ 'And what brought you back in the nick of time?' _

_ 'Looking behind,' said he.” _

 

            The voice would come and go but it always returned to him. He never felt lonely when the voice was gone. Just sort of lost. Drifting endlessly in the darkness.

 

_ "'Moon-letters are rune-letters, but you cannot see them,' said Elrond, 'not when you look straight at them. They can only be seen when the moon shines behind them, and what is more, with the more cunning sort it must be a moon of the same shape and season as the day when they were written. The dwarves invented them and wrote them with silver pens... These must have been written on a midsummer's eve in a crescent moon, a long while ago.'" _

 

            This was a part of the book he enjoyed. The parts to come next were even better than the Moon runes. Time passed the voice came and went. How much time he was unsure, but he knew it'd passed.

 

_ "You have nice manners for a thief and a liar," said the dragon. "You seem familiar with my name, but I don't seem to remember smelling you before. Who are you and where do you come from, may I ask?" _

_ "You may indeed! I come from under the hill, and under the hills and over the hills my paths led. And through the air. I am he that walks unseen." _

 

            Now that was the best part. Cas found himself saying the words along with the voice and even continuing it after it had stopped.

 

_ “So I can well believe,” said Smaug, “but that is hardly your usual name.” _

_ “I am the clue-finder, the web-cutter, the stinging fly. I was chosen for the lucky number.” _

_ “Lovely titles!” sneered the dragon. “But lucky numbers don’t always come off.” _

_ “I am he that buries his friends alive and drowns them and draws them alive again from the water. I came from the end of a bag, but no bag went over me.” _

 

            Castiel could tell that more time than usual passed between this visit and its next. The voice stayed away far longer than ever before. When suddenly it was back in his space as if it had never left.

 

_ "I am Bard, and by my hand was the dragon slain and your treasure delivered. Is that not a matter that concerns you? Moreover, I am by right descent the heir of Girion of Dale, and in your hoard, is mingled much of the wealth of his halls and towns, which old Smaug stole. Is not that a matter of which we may speak?” _

 

            “I would very much like to meet you!” Cas yelled to the voice in the darkness. Suddenly, he felt himself get slowly drawn down, down, down. He felt so heavy as he landed into an unfamiliar room. The surroundings and noises were foggy at best. Cas continued the telling of The Hobbit as he had many times before. Only this time he saw the person behind the voice.

_ “Further in his last battle Smaug destroyed the dwellings of the men of Esgaroth, and I am yet the servant of their Master” _

 

            A young man with eyes with color of the Garden of Eden stared back at him.


	3. Hello, Little Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean starts to piece together who the handsome stranger is and what he's been going through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update this fic. My Beta and I both got really busy with our work and college schedules. So I decided to edit this myself (AKA UnBetaed). I hope you all enjoy it :) 
> 
> Will update again in a couple days I promise! <3

**Chapter 3: Hello, Little Boy**

 

            Dean knew at least one of them was going to be there when he walked into the room. That thought alone spiked his blood pressure and heart rate. Why, he didn’t understand. These people were the family he’d been waiting to arrive. They were here, and yet Dean was more upset than happy. The two previous days he’d stayed away from the hospital, calling for the occasional update on Castiel. Not much changed, except for the doctor finally taking him off the medication that kept him in the coma. It was only a matter of time before he woke up from it and Dean desperately wanted to be there with him.

            Gazing into the room, Dean found the shortest of the three brothers sitting in the big chair he’d sat in for so many days. Gabriel was his name. Or at least Dean thought it was. His head was bowed, and hands folded, as if in prayer. 

            Knocking softly on the open door, the man finished whatever he was praying for and looked up at him.

            “Hi there,” Dean could tell the older man was exhausted, “We were wondering when you’d come back. Please,” He said motioning to an identical chair on the other side of the bed, “Sit down.” Dean moved to the open, offered chair setting his book down on the floor. “Why,” Gabriel paused. Thinking intently “After spending nearly two weeks living here by his bedside, did you suddenly stay away for two days?” His voice was soft and kind. Not an ounce of malicious intent from what Dean could hear,

            “I wanted to give you and your family space to figure things out. I didn’t think it would be right for me to be here when it’s a family matter.”

            “Dean when we said you were welcome, we meant it.” He yawned, standing up, “Since you’re here I think I’m gonna go grab some Starbucks.” Dean watched him pause at the door, “You want anything?”

            “Oh,” Dean said taken aback, “No thank you. But I appreciate the offer” Picking up his book Dean decided he’d do what he did every night he visited Cas. Dean read The Hobbit needing to finish it for school.

 

_ "I am Bard, and by my hand was the dragon slain and your treasure delivered. Is that not a matter that concerns you? Moreover, I am by right descent the heir of Girion of Dale, and in your hoard, is mingled much of the wealth of his halls and towns, which old Smaug stole. Is not that a matter of which we may speak?” _

 

            He paused, having read for twenty minutes his voice was starting to feel strained. When a small fragile voice continued where he’d left off

 

_ “Further in his last battle Smaug destroyed the dwellings of the men of Esgaroth, and I am yet the servant of their Master” _

 

            Shocked Dean lifted his head towards the voice unsure he heard it at all. A small frail smile and sparkling pale eyes met his gaze. “You’re awake,” Dean said, stunned

            “Appears so,” Cas gazed around the room, “Am I dead?” He asked quietly

            “Noo,” Dean answered confused, “You’re not dead Cas. You’re in a hospital in Kansas.”

            “Oh Thank God.” Cas said softly, “I prayed he’d let me survive. I need to call my family.”

            “Don’t worry about that.” Dean soothed, pressing the call button for the nurse, “They know you’re here. They’re close by”

            “I want you here. Not them.” Cas said, fighting to keep his eyes open, “Promise you’ll stay with me. You’re the reason I found my way back.”

            “Sleep.” Dean said taking Cas’ hand between his, “I’ll be close by when you wake.” The nurse walked in just as Cas dozed off again. “He was awake” The nurse nodded, turning from the two men,

            “I’ll get the doctor.” Just then Gabriel strolled in with Lucifer by his side. The pair exchanged a confused look

            “What’s happened?” Lucifer finally asked,

            “Cas woke up for a couple minutes.” Dean said, gazing at the sleeping man. Hand still held in his. “He spoke to me. About your family.” He bit his lip not sure how to tell them what Cas wanted.

            “He doesn’t want us, here does he?” Lucifer whispered, sadly.

            Dean couldn’t bring himself to answer. Instead he continued to look at the sleeping man.

            “I’m not surprised,” Gabriel said, moving into the room, “But he doesn’t know the things that have happened since he left home.”

            “You’ll have to tell him.” Dean whispered, finally tearing his eyes from Castiel,

            “A lot has happened that you don’t know, Dean” Lucifer said, unable to look at Cas.

            “Hey,” Dean said softly, “Whatever happened, you can always make it right.”

            “You’re too young to understand Dean. Sometimes people do and say things that can’t be fixed.”

            “You don’t know me or the things I’ve been through.” Dean snapped, “So don’t start judging me.”

            “Dean,” Gabriel said tiredly, taking a seat, “I don’t think you fully understand.” He sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “There’s something you should know about all this.” The brothers looked at each other before he continued “Especially if you’re gonna be around our brother.”

            “Okay” Dean said confused,

            “It’s kinda a long story.”

            “I have time” Dean said nodding, though he really wished it could wait. He hadn’t slept in nearly thirty-six hours.

            “Good.” Sighing again, he looked down at his hands. “Three weeks ago, while we were all home celebrating our parents thirtieth anniversary he dropped a bombshell on all of us. He told the family he was gay.” The breath in Dean’s lungs froze. He looked at the man lying still and silent in the bed before turning back to Gabriel. 

            “As you probably guessed it didn’t go over to well with our parents or Michael. They swore he was going to hell and that they hated him. Every horrible thing that a parent could say to a child coming out was said by them to him.” Dean watched as Gabriel dabbed at the tears stinging his eyes. “Cas left the family home hours later. When our parents finally calmed down, Dad called Cas. Told him they loved him but said they couldn’t accept him and wanted him to go to a group that could ‘fix him’. He-uh-never called us back. We knew something was horribly wrong when he texted instead of calling me or Luci.”

            Dean felt horrible. This man who was so loved by his family. Came out and was so upset over their rejection that he tried to ran away from them. “Somehow after that his car ended up in the ravine and he found his way to me.” Dean whispered,

            “Yes at least that’s what we assume. But there’s a bit more.” Dean was confused. What else could there be? “As the days wore on, the thought that he was hurt got worse and worse. Cas has been suicidal in the past.” Lucifer said, Dean watched as both men quietly teared up, “Our parents went to church every day and prayed for his safe return. This was their fault. They knew it and couldn’t do anything besides pray since the police were doing everything they could and had found very little. The day before your Sheriff called they knew in their hearts something horrible had happened. They prayed and swore to God that they would love and accept Cas as he was if only they could see him again.”

            “I see” Dean said, as he watched Gabriel start to silently cry and Lucifer wrap an arm around his brother. “But what I don’t understand is, if you two were so supportive of him, why wouldn’t Cas want you here with him?”

            Neither man could bring themselves to look at Dean, their shame evident on their faces and the way they slumped in their seats, “That’s probably because when he came out we didn’t verbally support him.” Lucifer answered, “We love our brother but when push came to shove we didn’t stand up for him.”

            “Oh”

            “If you’ll excuse me.” Gabriel said shakily, jumping out of his chair, “I-uh-need to get some air. I’ll leave you three alone for a while.” quickly leaving the room.

            “Lucifer,” The pair sat in the quiet room, the only noise Lucifer getting up. “He needs to hear all this from you all. Not me, a stranger.”

            “Agreed” He answered as he walked out after the younger brother who truly wanted and needed him.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            It was agreed between the three men and the doctor that the family needed to stay away until they could talk to Cas. They didn’t want him to become excited or upset over the family being there. Castiel woke up seeing Dean sitting by his bedside dozing off in the quiet room.

            “Hey,” He said softly,

            “Hey Cas,” Dean said scrambling to get closer to the man, “You feel ok?”

            “I’m ok. A bit groggy but I assume that’s because of the medications I’m on.”

            “Probably” Dean chuckled, trying to figure out how to bring up the family issue with the man.

            “What’s wrong?” Cas asked,

            “Huh?”

            “There were frown lines on your face. Makes me think something’s wrong.”             


            “Nah. Nothing’s wrong Cas. I’m—just thinking.”

            “About?”

            Dean bit his lip not really wanting to but knowing it had to happen, “Your brothers. Gabriel and Lucifer. They want to see you. Explain everything that’s happened since you left home.”

            Cas turned his face away from Dean, 

            “Yeah well—Maybe it would be better if we don’t see each other.”

            “Don’t be like that Cas.” Dean spoke softly, taking Cas’ hand between his, “They love you and just want to start trying to fix things between you three.”

            Groaning Cas put his free hand over his eyes, “They told you didn’t they?”

            “They did. But Cas—”

            “I don’t want to hear it.”

            “Cas, Please”

            “No. Get out.” He said pulling his hand free of Dean. “I don’t want any company. I’m tired and want to sleep.”

            “Oh. I guess if you need some sleep then I'll just leave you to it.” Dean sighed, getting up, “I’ll be by to check on you in the morning then.” As Dean departed,

            Cas called out “I don’t want you here! Don’t come back!” He found himself starting to cry quietly. Soon after, the doctor stepped into the room.

            “I see my patient is finally awake.” She said, stepping in eyeing Cas carefully. “Hi Castiel, I’m Doctor Talbot. But you can call me Bela.” She said winking, “I’m going to need to run a couple tests to make sure your head is alright after that accident of yours.”

            “Ok” Castiel said “If I doze off I apologize Bela. I’m feeling exhausted at the moment.”

            “Well then let’s get started then shall we”


	4. Maybe They’re Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas opens up after realizing his feelings about his situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this next chapter :)

**Chapter 4: Maybe They’re Magic**

 

            Dean nervously walked into the hospital room. He only intended to check on Cas before going home, having worked both jobs back to back he felt utterly exhausted. Though he found himself moving to sit in the chair beside the bed upon seeing it. Soon enough he started to drift asleep. Cas seemed to be resting peacefully which was good. This was the first time he’d been able to make it back since Cas woke the day before and demanded he left. Dean wanted to respect his wishes but he also wanted to be here for the man. 

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            With how quiet it was in the room he thought he was alone. Though seeing the young man curled up in the chair beside his bed proved him wrong. His heart fluttered at seeing Dean. The anxiety and distress he felt overwhelmed him. 

            Just minutes after he'd told Dean not to come back he immensely regretted it. Dean was just trying to help. Deep down he knew this was something he didn't want Dean involved with. Dean was an angel. Cas didn’t need to soil his kind caring soul with the ugly family business.  _ Lord I don’t deserve this. I’ve hurt so many and don’t wish to harm this beautiful soul before me. _ Cas prayed silently.

            The doctor had told Cas how incredibly lucky he was to survive. That if Dean had found him just minutes later than he had there wouldn’t have been anything they could’ve done for him. 

            It made him feel sick to his stomach when he realized just how close he'd come to death. Practically knocking at that grisly black door. And yet Dean had been there, the whole time, holding his hand and reading The Hobbit. Apparently, having spent so much time in Cas’ hospital room that there was a running joke among the nurses that Dean was going to start paying rent.

            He didn’t know how to feel about that. He was so grateful he couldn’t describe while at the same time confused and oddly disgusted. He didn't deserve the attention. Someone as horribly selfish as himself didn’t deserve it.

            The young man couldn’t be older than twenty. He should have been out with his friends. Not in the hospital watching over a man he didn't know. And lastly, if Cas was being honest, he found himself attracted to him. It was so wrong. He was just a kid. But there was nothing he could do to stop the feelings he had. They just happened.

            Part of him wanted to wake Dean just to see those beautiful green eyes locked onto him. But he also wanted the young man to rest. If he was tired enough to have fallen sound asleep before eight pm sitting in a plush hospital chair then he probably needed the sleep more than anything else.

            As if hearing his thoughts Cas watched Dean’s eyes flutter open as he stretched his arms above his head. Cas found the action to be exceedingly adorable. “Did you have a good rest?” Cas asked nervously,

            “Didn't mean to.” Dean answered, suppressing a yawn. “You could've woken me.” He chuckled, rubbing his neck embarrassed.

            “No. I figured you probably needed a little shut eye.”

            Softly laughing Dean responded, “You're probably right. I haven't slept much lately so that little nap was much needed.”

            He hadn't slept? And yet Dean was visiting him again?  _ I don’t deserve such kindness. _ “Rough couple days?”

            “You could say that” Dean said rolling his shoulders, “I take care of my younger brothers. Our father isn’t around so I do what I have to do to support us.”

            “How do you manage that? Being still a teen yourself?”

            “What is it with you, Gabriel, and Lucifer always calling me a kid or teen?” Dean grumbled, “I'm eighteen for Pete's Sake. I haven't been a kid since I was four.”

            “Dean it's cause you are. I'm—” he paused counting the years between them, “Six years older than you. Whereas Gabriel is twelve years older and Luci is fourteen. So, you are a kid to them.” Cas laughed. It actually felt like a tiny bit of the weight on his chest was lifting.

            “Age doesn't matter.” Dean said, irritated yet smiling softly. “Sounds like you really are their baby brother though.”

            Without even thinking Cas answered, “Yeah, I am. They’re all close in age and I’m the odd one out age wise.” Thinking about his brothers made his heart ache.

            “Cas,” Dean said, the two staring at one another again. “Please. Give Lucifer like five minutes to explain things. He knows it won’t change how you’re feeling but he wants to start making things right between you all.”

            Breaking eye contact Cas looked down at his hands, resting in his lap. Tears coming to his eyes, “I take it you know what happened between?”

            “Yup”

            “But it’s far worse than they explained.”

            “I’m sure it was.”

            “I just—I don’t—don’t want you to—look at me differently when you hear all those details.” He was shaking but was able to contain the tears for the moment. “The things that were said. Were ugly and mean on both sides. I know—I wasn’t being—um—kind to my parents the whole time.” He didn’t want to continue, but he felt compelled to lift the weight from his chest. 

            “I cause so much trouble and heartache for all those around me.” The words didn’t stop. Like a damn breaking they were started coming faster than before. “You saved me—and yet I’m—taking so much of your time away from your brothers. I–words can’t describe how thankful I am that you were—able to save me that day. I was in a very dark place and just—” The tears started falling and wouldn’t stop no matter how much he rubbed at his eyes. “I can’t do anything right. I’m such a disgusting person—”

            “It’s ok Cas” Dean soothed, taking a seat on the bed next to him. His body heat was a comfort Cas sought out. Pushing his face against Dean’s chest he allowed the young man to hold and gently rock him. “You’re ok. Deep breaths.” Cas found himself listening to Dean, not hearing the words but just the sound of his voice brought him back to himself. “Shhh, That’s it.”

            “I’m so sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you.” Cas cried against Dean’s chest “I’m always an inconvenience to others.”

            “Hey enough of that.” Cas heard the firm tone of voice causing him to look up at Dean, “I don’t wanna hear that Bullshit. You are not an inconvenience. I wanted to be here for you. I chose to be here. You don’t have any control over my decisions. They were all my own. Secondly, you are none of those things. You’re just a good person stuck in a bad mindset. Things were said between you and your loved ones that are regrettable and horrible, but just as words can hurt they can also heal. Lucifer wants to take that first step to helping you heal Cas. Please hear him out.” Dean let Cas hold onto him as he found his voice again.

            “You really think so?”

            “I know so.”

            “But my family won’t want anything to do with me when they see how truly ugly and disgusting I am. Maybe it’d be best to leave things as they are now.”

            “From what I saw your family loves you so much Cas.” Dean said suppressing the urge to kiss Cas’ forehead, “Besides, you should know by now that you are so far away from a disgusting person I can’t even describe. You’re truly hot stuff,”  _ Shit did I really just hit on Cas? Shit! The man is in the fuckin hospital! Maybe I need to get my head looked at!  _ Dean thought panicking over his unconscious flirting slipping into the conversation.

            Dean felt Cas smile against his chest, “Yeah?” His heart started to beat wildly at feeling the smile and hearing the hope in Cas’ voice.

            “Yeah”

            “Well, if you really think I should talk to him I guess I could. But um—could you stay close by just in case?”

            “Sure Cas.” Dean sighed, gently pulling himself off the bed and away from the man. Shifting to hide his growing erection  _ So not a good time for this crap.  _ He thought moving towards the door, “I’ll just go grab him. I’ll stay in the lobby just in case.”

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “Hey Cas,” Lucifer said hesitantly as he moved into the room “How are you feeling?”

            “Pretty cruddy.” Cas bit his lip, trying to find his words, “Dean—um—said you wanted to talk about things. Even though I don’t want you here, Dean convinced me it would be best for everyone involved.”

            Hearing those words come straight from Cas, his precious baby brother, was like a knife to his heart, “I do.” He reached for Cas’ hand, which was quickly pulled from his reach. Further rubbing salt into his already deep wounds. “A lot has happened since you left home.”

            “Then you better start talking. Cause I don’t want you here for very long Lucifer.” He’d royally fucked up and he knew it. Castiel never called him by his formal name.

            “Okay.” Detailing everything that had happened was hard for him, but Cas needed to know, and he needed to know now before he withdrew from the family farther.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are food for the soul <3


	5. Our Little World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spends some time with his two favorite young people in the world.

**Chapter 5: Our Little World**

 

            Before leaving the hospital, Dean checked on Cas to make sure he was okay after his talk with Lucifer. To his relief Cas was fast asleep. Going home to a dark quiet house was still unreal, yet calming. Heading straight to bed Dean knew the next day was going to be just as long and draining as today.

            When his alarm clock went off at midnight Dean rolled himself out of bed with a groan knowing he had no choice but to get his ass up and off to work. Within thirty minutes the bar rolled into view. “Hey Ellen.” Dean said stepping behind the bar.

            “Dean what did I told you?” She lectured, “You need to be at home sleeping. I know you spent a good chunk of time at the hospital yesterday.”

            “You’ve been talking to Missouri, again haven’t you?” Dean said picking up a rag to start cleaning the nearly empty bar.

            “You bet I have young man.” Ellen said, putting a hand on her hip. “She said she found you curled up sleeping in the chair. Dean I know you want to make sure this man is ok, but you have to think about yourself and your brothers. They’ve barely seen you these past three weeks and I’m sure your grades are slipping. Just because you’re taking online schooling doesn’t mean you can slack off.”

            “I know” Dean sighed, “and I feel guilty about all that. Things are gonna change. Cas is awake now. So, I don’t need to be spending as much time there with him.”  

            “But you want to?”

            “Huh?”

            “Tell me the truth Dean Winchester. Do you or do you not want to spend more time with him?”

            Dean couldn’t help but sigh in defeat, “Yes. Though I don’t want to.”

            “And why’s that Son?”  

            “He’s in a bad place right now. The last thing he needs is a horny eighteen-year-old hitting on him. Besides,” Dean paused rubbing his hand down his face, “He’ll be leaving soon. I’ve heard the whispers about how he may be able to leave the hospital in another week or two.”  

            “Dean” She said, putting her hand on his that was cleaning the counters. “Just go with the flow. You never know where life can lead you.”

            “Yeah. I guess.” Dean said continuing his nightly routine. Ellen used Dean as a way of getting the nightly cleaning and occasional maintenance done around the joint. After a couple hours of work, he collected his pay and left to get things ready at home.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            The days were difficult and boring. Watching tv or flipping channels only got him so far in the entertainment category. His family, thankfully, respected him enough to stay away from his room. But he’d heard the whispers of the nurses, that his parents were paying for him to have the private room and checking on his progress every day. They might be sorry for the things that were said and done, and it might’ve been three weeks since then but for Cas it’d been just longer than a week. The pain was still fresh in his heart and mind.

            The saying sticks and stones was all lies. Cas would’ve preferred to have been beaten bloody rather than endure the tongue lashing his family struck him with. True, two of his brothers supported and loved him, but that didn’t stop them from sitting in silence as his parents lashed out at him. They were just as responsible for the emotional devastation he felt as those who spewed those hate filled words.

            The only good thing to come of all this pain and destruction was Dean. _My Angel_ . He thought as he realized he was falling for the young man. There was no doubt about that. _It’s wrong. Disgusting. Perverted._ “No” Cas said fighting between his heart and mind. _My parents were right about me. I’m an abomination. A twisted lustful man doomed to forever burn in the flames of damnation._ The tears came as he knew he’d succeed next time. There was no saving him. His selfish greedy head wanted to corrupt the beautiful caring Dean in sinfully awfully ways as no man should want to with another man.

 _I won’t waste anyone else’s time._ Cas thought picking up the utensil from his food tray _I’ll do it properly now._

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “Your turn” Dean laughed handing the dice to Adam.

            “I got doubles Dee!” Adam cheered as Sam moved his board piece “I get to go again right?”

            “You bet kido” Dean laughed fondly watching Adam win the game.

            “I won! Sammy lookie I won!”

            “You did!” Sam laughed at the young kid’s excitement.

            “Let’s play again!” Adam said yawning softly

            “No way little man. I believe it’s time for someone to get some sleep.” Dean said softly, scooping up the seven-year-old.

            “But I’m not sleepy” Adam protested rubbing his eyes in his adorable way, melting Dean’s heart.

            “Let’s get your teeth brushed and get your tiny butt into bed.” Dean chuckled at the weak protests. He knew his little brother normally fought tooth and nail, so Dean wasn’t surprised in the least by his protesting bedtime. Dean watched fondly as Adam brushed his teeth and tucked his favorite little guy into bed, reading him his most loved book ‘Little Monster Did It’ “Good night my Little Monster” Dean whispered, kissing Adam on the head as he tucked him in.

            “Good night Dee.” He yawned returning Dean’s kiss “You’re the Bestest Big Brother ever.” Dean heard as he walked to the door. “I loves you”

            “Love you too kido” Dean said, silently shutting the door. Heading into the dining room Dean found Sam studying his text book. “What are you studying this time Sammy?” It always astounded him just how smart Sam was. He was gonna go far in life. Dean was sure of it.

            “Just reading over my Algebra texts and notes before the test tomorrow.”

            “Don’t study too late. A growing boy of your age needs sleep.” Dean said grabbing a glass of water.

            “Says the guy barely a legal adult who hardly ever sleeps.”

            “I do it for the family Bitch” Dean answered playfully,

            “And we appreciate it Jerk.” Sam paused. The look telling Dean he was thinking about something important. “You ever think about him?”

            “Of course,”

            “I hate him you know?” Sam spat. His knuckles turning white where they rested on the table. “You never have time to be you, Dean. Go on dates, attend regular school. Things we’re supposed to do at this age. Instead you grew up much quicker than before and have had to play Dad for us since he disappeared four years ago.”

            “Sammy,” Dean was touched. His little brother must’ve been thinking about this for a while. “It’s alright. We’re together. That’s all that matters to me.”

            “But Dee,” Sam said, looking at his brother tearfully, “I want to see you happy too.”

            “Oh Sammy” Dean sighed wrapping his arms around the shaking teen. “I am happy. So incredibly happy. In all the things that matter most.” He stroked Sam’s long hair soothingly, “I’ve been able to see the two of you grow up happy and healthy. That’s something…” He paused fighting tears of his own. “That’s worth more than all the money in the world Sammy”

            “Love you Dean” Sam sobbed, “You’re the best…I just worry about you. I wish you could find someone to make you happy. Someone who’d love you as much as we love you.” He had a feeling this would come up again.

            “Sammy, I’m fine. I don’t need a partner. I have my plate full taking care of you two. I’ll find someone eventually. Just not right now.” Though at the back of his mind Dean couldn’t help but think of the blue eyes and happy laughter of a certain hospitalized man.

            “But Dean” Sam protested, stopping when Dean’s cell rang. He frowned recognizing the hospital’s phone number.

            “Hello, this is Dean.”

            “Hi Dean, I’m just calling to inform you about a development with your friend Castiel Novak. We were wondering it you could come by in an hour to discuss a couple of particulars.” He looked at the clock on the stove before answering.

            “Sure. I’ll be there.”

            “Perfect. We’ll see you then.”

            “Wait.” Dean said, before the other hung up. “Is he okay?”

            “As well as can be. We just need to discuss other issues.”

            “One hour. Got it.” Dean said hanging up.

            “Something wrong with Cas?” Sam asked cleaning the table.

            “Not sure.” Dean answered _But I’m gonna find out_.


	6. I Know Things Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas needs more experienced help than Dean or Dr. Bela can provide after his latest attempt at taking his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter :D

**Chapter 6: I Know Things Now**

 

            “Hi there,” Michael turned towards the male voice, “It’s Michael, right?”

            “Yes.” He said reaching to shake Dean’s hand “Thanks for coming over with such short notice.”

            “Of course. But I’m confused as to what exactly is going on.”

            “Let’s go talk privately. The doctor said she’d be in her office.” The two walked in silence.

            “Oh, there you both are,” Dr. Bela said, “Come on in. Everyone else is already here.”

            “Everyone else?” Dean questioned anxiously,

            “The rest of the family,” Bela answered. “Don’t worry Dean,” She said sensing his anxiety “You’re sitting next to Lucifer at the desk.” Sure, enough one of the two empty seats was directly in front of the desk beside Lucifer. Michael took the seat against the wall next to his parents and Gabriel.  “Now that everyone is here I think we should get started.”

            “So, what’s happened?” Dean asked,

            “Cas attempted to ki--kill himself a--again” Michael answered, stuttering over the words and holding his mother’s hands.

            “What?” Dean questioned, panic rising in his chest

            Michael nodded, “I knew I shouldn’t, but I came to check on him. I walked into the room and found him slitting his wrist with the knife.” The blood in Dean’s veins froze. Cas tried to hurt himself again? Why?  _ I thought he was happy he survived _ . “I rushed up, took the knife and wrapped the blanket around his wrists. He fought me, screaming out how everyone would be better off without him.” Dean watched as the tears rolled down Michael’s face, “It took two nurses helping me to get him subdued and bandaged up.”

            “Dean the reason we brought you here,” Dr. Bela said shifting his attention to her, “We think it would be best that Castiel be taken to a medical facility that specializes in depression with suicidal tendencies.”

            “Agreed” He responded automatically,

            “Glad we’re on the same page. We would like you to talk to him about it. He’ll be transported via medical transport tomorrow.”

            “What do you need from me?” Dean asked shaking and confused,

            “We need you to talk to him. Tell him what’s happening.”

            Dean groans, “Why me? Why can’t you talk to him?” He asked looking pointedly at the doctor.

            “He seems to listen better when things come from you.” This stunned him. Dean knew he was happy around the man but hadn’t thought he made that big of an impact on Cas.

            “Seriously?” He said stunned, “But we barely know each other.”

            “Whatever the reasoning he does listen to you. Will you talk to him about this tonight?”

            “Tonight?”

            “Yes. He’s going to be leaving in less than twenty-four hours. He needs to be made aware of it now.”

            “If you think that’s best.” 

            She looked at the family. “I need a private word with Dean if you wouldn’t mind.”

            “We’ll be in the lobby” Michael said as the family left.

            “Dean.” The doctor said getting his attention, “There’s something you should know. Castiel has developed some pretty obvious attachment for you.”  _ Cas likes me? _ Dean felt hope fluttering in his chest at the prospect. “Now I’m not a mental health expert but I do recognize the signs of Hero’s Syndrome when I see them.”

            “What’s Hero’s Syndrome?”

            “It’s where a victim falls in love with their rescuer.”

            “Oh?” Just like that, the hope withered within his chest.  _ Cas isn’t interested in me. He’s just confused.  _ “How can it be fixed?”

            “Easy enough is all contact has to be cut off between the two of you for at least six months. If after that he still has feelings for you then it’s true affection.”

            “So, I also need to address this when I talk to him tonight?”

            “Yes. I also think it would be wise if this was the last time you saw Castiel.”

            “I see.” Dean stood, “Thank you Doctor”

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “Hey Cas” Dean said walking into the room. His eyes automatically noticed the fresh bandages on his wrists “I heard what happened” He said taking a seat on the bed. The only answer a sad whimper from the man. “Cas” Dean said touching his hand before Cas pulled it away. “Please look at me.”

            “No”

            “Why not?”

            “Don’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes.”

            “Cas” Dean reached forward, stroking the man’s cheek “I just want to help.” Finally, the blue eyes turned towards him. The red that rimmed them was heartbreaking.    Tears shimmering just below the surface. “There you are.” Dean said softly, continuing to stroke Cas’ cheek. “Hi Angel”

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

            That did it. Cas felt himself shatter. “Don’t say that” He sobbed, rubbing at his eyes “Please don't say that.” Tears rushed down his cheeks as he pulled away from Dean “I'm—not—an angel. I'm a—demon. I hurt—everyone” No more words came. Just a deep resonating sadness that enveloped him.  _ I don't deserve to be loved. I'm horrible and ugly. _ “I'm the worse kind of person…You need to get away from me before I blacken your beautiful soul” Shock sliced through it all at the gentle touch of Dean’s embrace. The pain. The darkness. The sorrow. Slowly faded as Cas let himself melt into the man's warm firm embrace. The tears still came but the sobs slowly faded.

            “You’re so beautiful and perfect Cas.” Dean soothed, “You’re hurting Angel.”

            “There’s no hope for me anymore.” Cas cried into his hands.

            “There’s always hope.” Dean sighed. “Tomorrow you’re gonna start getting better Cas. Tomorrow is a better day.”

            “Michael’s sending me away isn’t he?” Cas said curling in on himself, pulling away from Dean.

            “No,” Dean said firmly, pulling Cas back against him. “Dr. Bela is. She believes this facility will help you get better.”

            “But I don’t want—” Cas cut off

            “I want you to go.” Dean said softly. So softly that Cas thought he didn’t hear it. His heart slowly started to break into a million pieces all over again.  _ I thought he liked me.  _ “I want you to get the help you need Cas. If after you’ve completed the treatment and you want to find me…well, you know where I am.”

_             What?  _ “Dean,” Cas said turning to meet his eyes, “I don’t want to leave. I like being near you. You make me feel whole. Safe.”

            “Cas,” Dean said, placing his hand on Cas’ cheek. Cas leaned into the touch soaking up any and all attention he could get from Dean. “I can’t help you with this. Getting better is something you have to want for yourself. So, you can live a beautiful, carefree life with the man you’ll fall in love with one day.”

            Cas gulped. He wanted Dean so badly. But he was right. They could never be together until Cas was mentally healthy. “Okay.” He whispered laying back down, “I’ll go. Not sure it’ll help, but I’ll give it a try.”  _ I’ll do it for you Dean. _

            “Please do.” Dean stood to leave the room. Cas had a feeling this would be the last time they would see each other. “Take care of yourself first Castiel Novak. And remember to Always Keep Fighting.” Cas watched as Dean walked out of the door and out of his life.

_             Always Keep Fighting. For love and life, I will. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you or someone you know struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts please reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255 (I believe this is for the US). They are there 24/7 and are willing to talk to anyone who needs it. 
> 
> Remember to Always Keep Fighting and that no matter what You Are Loved


	7. First Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finally opens up about the events leading up to him attempting to take his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is very descriptive of a bad coming out and major suicidal/self-harming thoughts.

**Chapter 7: First Midnight**

 

**Weeks Earlier**

 

            “Hey!” he heard the voice through the fog as he typed on his keyboard “Cassie” Balthazar said slapping Cas on the shoulder.

            “I’m busy at the moment it you don’t mind” Cas said glaring at his cousin.

            “Oh, come on Cassie! Let’s have some fun! You said you’d go to the bar with us tonight!”

            “Balth I said I would consider it depending on what was happening at the time.” He motioned to his computer and stacks of paper. “As you can clearly tell I was assigned a major project that when completed could result in my proving I’m capable of taking over the family business for my father.”

            “Cassssss” He rolled his eyes at his cousin’s insolence, “The company is already in the palm of your hands. The board has been discussing it all month and they have no reason to disagree to the change of power like your father wants.”

            “That doesn’t mean I can slack off now. If anything, now of all times I should be working even harder to succeed and prove my worth.” This was his fatal flaw. Or so his psychologists had said. He always overcompensated to cover the truth that he was actually flawed beyond belief. Hiding that flaw was no cake walk. He never dated, and if he did it was in secret and never revealed to his family. Occasionally when he was pestered about dating and settling down he would pretend to have a girlfriend, but he ultimately saw that as too much of a hassle. Being gay shouldn’t have to be this hard.

            “Well if you change your mind workaholic, we’ll be at Brendon’s on the corner.” Balth said walking away.

            “Have fun Balth!” Cas called, his cousin waving over his shoulder. Lately, he’d been having more issues than previously. His anxiety was through the roof and confidence was in the toilet. Because he’d finally determined it was time for him to come out. As soon as the company was safely in his possession that is.  

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “Congratulations!” The room cheered as he walked in. Word always spread fast around the company. Especially when it was news as good as this.

            “You happy little bro?” Gabriel asked throwing his arms around Cas “The company you’ve loved since you were a child is now yours.”

            “I can’t even begin to describe how elated I am Gabriel” He laughed as a glass of champagne was placed in his hands. Turning he found his two eldest brothers holding identical glasses.

            “Congratulations Cas” Michael said, moving in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you little brother.”

            “Michael,” Cas said stunned, “What are you two doing here?” He laughed, squeezing Michael tighter.

            “You think we wouldn’t be here for your celebration?” Lucifer said pushing Michael out of the way. “I mean this is only the passing of the family business from father to son.” He embraced Lucifer as tightly as he had Michael.

            “I can’t believe you’re all here.” Cas beamed.

            “Wouldn’t have missed this for the world,” Michael said raising his glass, “To your success little brother.”

            “Here here” chimed Gabriel and Lucifer raising their glasses

            “Thank you all” Cas joined them before tasting the sweet champagne. “How’s everything with your business Michael? Haven’t heard much lately.”

            “Everything is going great!” He laughed, “But let’s not talk about me tonight Cas. Tonight, is all about you and your success.”

            He circled the room receiving the well wishes of all in attendance and soaked up all the confidence he could. He was going to need it in the days to come.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            “I have s-something I need to t-tell you all.” Cas stuttered. His palms were sweaty and his head was spinning.

            “Son?” His father asked cautiously.

            “I should've told you years ago. I just-just didn't kno-w how to.” He swallowed, “I'vebeengayforaslongasIcanremember” He said rushing through his words before he could reconsider. He watched his parents carefully. Their faces slowly changed from concerned and confused to red with anger.

            “What. Did. You. Say.” His father said slowly but firmly.

            “I'm gay.” Cas said feeling the color drain from his face.  _ Oh. No. This is gonna be worse than I thought. _

            “Castiel Novak!” His father growled. “You better be playing some sort of cruel joke.”

            “You think I'd joke about this?!” Cas said feeling slightly hysterical. His mother proceeded to burst into tears. Cas watched his father stand, taking her hands between his.

            “How could you do this to us!” He said, eyes squinting and face turning red. “We didn't raise any fucking fagots!”

            “Dad!” Cas said shocked, “I didn't choose this! I was born this way! I've always liked men!”

            “Fuck that stupid line Castiel!” Michael chimed in, “You've dated quite a few women! So don't say you've always liked men!” Cas could see the anger boiling through the two older men.

            “I lied about them all.” Cas muttered softly, shame forcing him to look away from his family. “They either never existed, or I paid them to pretend they were my girlfriends”

            “What The Actual Fuckin Hell!” Michael yelled as their father ranted,

            “People like YOU burn in HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!”

            “How can you just turn your back on us and everything the Lord has taught us!?” His mother yelled sobbing. “My poor sick son! Castiel my youngest child! Where did I go wrong raising you for you to have chosen such a disgusting lifestyle!!!”

            “Mom please” Cas begged, “You did nothing wrong. God doesn't make mistakes remember? He made us perfect.”

            “He obviously made a mistake with you Son!” Cas’ father growled, “I don't want to see such a disgusting pervert like you in my house again!” Cas watched heartbroken as his father turned his back to him, “Pack your stuff and get out! I won't have a FUCKING FAGOT who chooses to live blatantly AGAINST the word of GOD stay ONE MORE NIGHT under my roof!”

            “Dad” Cas finally broke down sobbing, “Please don't do this.” He looked at his three brothers. Lucifer and Gabriel couldn't even look at him, whereas Michael couldn't tear those furious blue eyes away from Cas. “Please” He sobbed. “I'm still me! I'm still your son!”

            “I have three sons and a screw up!”

            “Why Me! Why My Son!” His mother cried looking at the sky.

            “My father told you to go pack your things Castiel.” Michael said firmly.

            “Please. Michael.” Cas said tears streaming down his face. “I'm still your brother.” He looked at Gabriel and Lucifer. “Please. I love you all so much. Please understand that this has nothing to do with you. I didn't choose this! I would never choose this!”

            “GO!” His father said pointing to the hallway leading towards the bedrooms. “Get your things.” As Cas slowly trudged towards his childhood bedroom, head hanging in defeat. His father's voice followed him, “If you didn't already own the company I built I'd have you fired and blacklisted! You're LUCKY to have it fagot! Cause it's the last thing you'll ever get from me!” Cas shut the door before his father could have the sick satisfaction of hearing his devastated sobs.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

**Hours later**

 

            The tears had stopped. The numbness filled him, inside and out as he slowly packed his things. A soft knock came on his door drawing his attention. He didn’t speak. Didn’t want to see or speak to any of them. They’d said enough. “Cas” Gabriel spoke softly through the door. “Cas it’s just me and Luci.” He continued to gather his things ignoring his two elder brothers. “Baby bro? We just want to check on you.” Though he seemed to be moving through a fog Cas found himself heading towards the door. “Please open the door Cas.”

            “I’m fine” Cas whispered leaning against the cool wood. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to see any of you.” Hearing the resigned sigh from the other side of the door didn’t register in the void where his heart had been.

            “That’s okay. We understand. But please hear us out.” Lucifer spoke from the other side. “Gabe and I just want you to know we don’t hate you.”

            “We love you Cas.” Gabe pushed in. “If this is who you are then that’s fine. It doesn’t change who you are in our eyes.” He didn’t cry. Nothing came out. They were just empty useless words. They meant nothing to him.  _ Actions speak louder than words. They said nothing when it mattered. If it truly didn’t change their view of me why didn’t they speak up to help support me in my time of need?  _ Cas listened to them walk away from his door.  _ I NEED to get out of here.  _ Sending a text to his psychologists about what had occurred Cas gathered his bags intending to leave the house. The numbness, all consuming. The need to feel something, anything running through his veins and head on repeat.  _ Relieve the pain. Just takes a moment. A few cuts won’t hurt anyone. Makes me feel better. Feel something. Feel anything but this numbness. _

            “Cas” Lucifer and Gabriel stood blocking his path to his car. “None of us hate you. Please ignore our father and stay for the night. Leave in the morning with a clearer head. We love you and want you to be happy. It was just a shock hearing that out of the blue. But we’re on your side. We fully support you. We always have and always will.”

            “He’s right Cas. We support and love you. In the moment we just couldn’t find the words to say what needed to be said.”

            “I gotta go” Cas mumbled pushing past his brothers.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

**In a Psychiatric Facility**

 

            “Days after that I attempted to take my own life by crashing my car into a ravine I spotted while driving through a small town in Kansas. I admit I was having thoughts of self-harm on and off the whole time while driving away from home. But I acted on it then and there because it just felt like the right thing to do at the time. I was in a bad mindset and knew for a fact my family would be better off without me in their lives.” Silence followed as the words sunk in.

            “Thank you for sharing Castiel. I know none of this has been easy for you but as you know talking about things helps to heal the wounds of the past.”

            “It does. I feel slightly lighter each day we speak”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a heavy sad chapter. I promise the one I post in the days to come will be happier :D


	8. Agony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clips of Dean and Cas dealing with their individual lives.

**Chapter 8: Agony**

 

            “Dee!” Adam called as he ran towards Dean.

            Dean grunted as he caught the charging child “Hey kido” Adam squirms and laughs as Dean throws him over his shoulder. “How was your day at school?”

            “Dee!” He laughed, “Put me down!” Dean walked towards the auto shop.

            “Nah! Kinda like having you up there. Don’t have to worry about you running off.” Dean chuckled.

            “I won’t run off I promissseee” Adam laughed. The two entered the shop and Dean placed the boy on the ground.

            “Go on into the office and do your homework. I have a couple things I need to finish up.”

            “Ok Dee.” Adam said leaning up on his tiptoes to kiss Dean on his cheek. He smiled as he watched his kid brother skip off into the office. The red minivan was sitting there waiting for Dean to get under her hood to check her out. 

            Losing himself in his work Dean’s mind started to wonder.  _ Hope he’s doing well.  _ It’d been three months since Castiel had left the hospital. The man’s family had left without a word. Except for one of them that is. Lucifer had tracked Dean down at Singer Automotive Repair. They exchanged phone numbers. Lucifer promised to keep Dean updated on Cas’ progress. There had been a text a month since then. Always on the fifteenth of the month and always a couple texts long. Detailing as much as he could about the events that had occurred.

            For some reason he couldn’t explain he felt proud when he heard how good Cas was doing over there. He’d felt a connection with the man. It wasn’t until after Cas had left that he had let himself grieve over the loss of communication with him. The google searches showed him that ninety-eight percent of the time people suffering from Hero’s Syndrome, Nightingale Effect, and all those other mental disorders recover if they cut off contact with the other person involved. The odds of seeing Cas again let alone him having feelings for Dean were minuscule.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            The dream felt so real. When he woke he swore he’d find himself wrapped in the arms of a certain green-eyed man. A few tears actually slipped down his face finding his bed missing the yearned for second body. It’d been months since he’d seen or heard from Dean, but he still missed and ached for him. Talking to Dean had come so naturally for him. The doctors had told him that he had attached himself to his rescuer and that it was only natural to want to be with him. But after nearly four months Cas still found himself thinking of the man.

            “Castiel?” The doctor spoke, “You alright?”

            “Yes Doctor. Just thinking about some things.”

            “What things? If you don’t mind me asking that is.”

            “Just…Dean.” Cas watched the Doctor’s perfectly shaped eyebrow rise.

            “Dean?”

            “Yes.”

            “Care to elaborate?”

            “I had another dream about him.”

            “Another?”

            Cas felt his cheeks heat up as he finally admitted it to his doctor. “Yes.”

            “How often do these dreams occur?” He questioned writing some notes on his pad.

            “Once in a while. This is the second one this month.”

            “Tell me what happens in these dreams.”

            “Well,” Cas said not really wanting to talk about it. “Sometimes we’re talking. Other times we’re on an outing. One time we were…” His cheeks felt like they were on fire when he whispered, “having sex.”

            “I see.” The doctor answered, “Now Cas. These things are normal. Dean saved your life. You’re simply idolizing him. Putting him on a pedestal.”

            “Am I?” Cas didn’t believe the doctor in this matter. There was something about Dean that just clicked for him. “I see.”  

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “How you feeling, ya Idjit?” Bobby asked holding the door for Jody. Dean saw she was carrying a pot.

            “Been better.” He mumbled staggering back to the couch. Groaning as laid down.

            “Coulda told ya that. Cause ya look like shit Son.” Bobby grumbled softly, handing Dean a glass of water.

            “Thanks.” Dean said taking the glass.

            “Think you can eat something, Son? Jody made you some soup.”

            “Yeah.” Jody walked in carrying a small bowl for him. “You two didn’t have to come over. I said I’d be fine in a day or two.”

            “You don’t have to do that with us.” Jody said taking a seat after setting the bowl in front of Dean. “We’re family Dean. We care for you and your brothers as if you were our own.”

            “Eat your soup son. Get some rest. We’ll take care of things until you get better.” Dean looked between the two people. He loved them and knew they were as much family as Sammy and Adam.

            “Thanks” Dean mumbled eating his soup in silence.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “Cassie” Balthazar said hugging Cas “How’s my favorite cousin?”

            “I’m fine. Same as every time you come by”

            “Well I hope you’re better than just fine.” Balth laughed.

            “Ready to get out of here.” Cas said leaning back on the bench. Watching the wind dance through the trees. “Five months and twenty-five days.”

            “You talk to your folks yet?”

            “Nope.”

            “Your brothers?”

            “Just to say happy birthday. Nothing more.”

            “Cas.” He sighed

            “Don’t start Balth. I hear it enough from my doctors. I’m not ready to talk to them. Not ready to forgive and forget. They pushed me too far that day.”

            “Well then.” Balth said at a loss of words. “What do you plan to do now that you’re leaving in a few days?”

            “Go home.”


	9. It Takes Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Cas was free to live his life after being discharged from the psychiatric hospital. Now he has to figure out what to do with his new found freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter you've been waiting for :D Things are finally looking up for the boys <3

**Chapter 9: It Takes Two**

 

            He couldn't believe it was finally today. The six-month anniversary of his coming to the facility. The doctors said he was ready to leave at the five month mark but due to the circumstances of how he ended up there he was forced into another month. Breathing the fresh air felt incredible. He'd been outside often since arriving. But this was different. This was freedom. 

            For the first time in years he was free. Free from his past. Free from his family. Free from his job. Free of all restraints that held him back before.

            The car was waiting for him. As he climbed in the driver's seat he felt a new sense of security and calm. Cas turned it down the road, heading towards the highway. Within a couple hours a new sign came up in the distance.

Atwood, Kansas 70 miles

_             Only a couple hours left. _ His final destination was a couple hundred miles away from Atwood.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            He felt good. Great in fact. “Can I help you?” a masculine voice spoke.

            “Yes” Cas said turning towards him, “I’m looking for—” the one he sought stood in front of him “Dean.” He breathed. All the feelings he’d been told were false were      there. Simmering beneath the surface making his heart stutter and the air feel thinner

            “Hey Cas” Shock evident on his face. Cas watched Dean’s body move as if to come closer, but he froze. Those well-built arms pressed to his sides and feet locked to the ground. “How are you?” Dean asked sincerely, the soft smile making Cas feel light headed.  _ I want to throw myself into those strong protective arms again. I just want to be with him so much. _ But not knowing how Dean felt about him held Cas back.

            “I’m doing a hundred times better thanks to you.”

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            Cas was here! Dean didn’t want to blink incase Cas disappeared before his very eyes.  _ He came back to me. He’s here!  _ “I—uh—just wanted to come back to see you” Cas said but quickly added “To thank you for everything you did for me that is.” Were his ears hearing things? Did Cas just say he wanted to see him?

            “You could’ve just called Cas.” Dean said feeling the slight heat on his cheeks. “I know you’re a busy man with a company to run.”

            “I’m currently not needed. As a majority shareholder my new job is simply to oversee the operations of others. But with everything that’s happened I’m on a medical leave from my company until further notice.”

            “Dean!” He heard Bobby yell, “What are you doin standin around talkin Son? Get your ass punched out and go to lunch!”

            “Oh! Sorry Bobby!” Dean said rushing to the time clock. Returning he found Cas sitting on the bench outside the main doors. “So, Cas,” Dean said approaching the man. “You said you wanted to thank me? How about you buy me lunch? That way we can catch up about everything.”

            “I’d like that.” 

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “I was wondering,” Cas said sounding much more confidence than he felt as he drove Dean back to the auto shop. “If you aren’t busy tonight perhaps, I could take you out.” He hoped he was reading Dean right.

            “Like a date Cas?”

            “Only if you want it to be.”

            For a few moments Cas thought Dean wasn’t going to answer him and just act as if nothing had happened. Until a warm hand settled high on Cas’ thigh. “I’d like that Cas.”

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “You ready?” Cas asked as Dean came out onto the porch.

            “I am.” The two walked to Cas’ car. “You gonna tell me what it is we’re doing tonight?”

            “Nope”

            “Please” Dean begged

            “Begging doesn’t become you”

            “Really? I’ve been told I’m quite attractive no matter what emotion or look floats across my face.” Cas watched the cocky man wink.

            “No Dean. You’ll just have to be patient and find out when we get there.”

            “Well be that way then” Dean laughed as they pulled outta the drive. Cas had spent the day planning out their night. He hoped that Dean would approve.

            “Here we are.” Cas said parking his car.

            “The park?” Dean asked confused. “But I thought—” Cas heard Dean cut off as the wicker basket came into his view. “You are unique, Castiel Novak.”

            “I hope you like it.” He blushed, walking towards the park.

            “Oh, I’m sure I will.” Dean laughed following, “Anything with food involved and I’m happy.”

            “I’ll make sure to remember that.” Cas smiled fondly

            “Already planning out future dates?”

            “Yes.” Cas answered without thinking, “I mean—” He said stopping to look at Dean.

            “It’s ok Cas.” Dean said stepping up to him. “I love a man with confidence.”

            “Love?” Cas questioned as they started walking again.

            “I said ‘love a man with confidence’. Don’t go twisting my words now.” Dean said winking at Cas.

            “Well fine then.” Cas said pouting, settling the basket on the grassy ground.

            “Oh, come on now.” Dean chuckled, snaking an arm around Cas’ waist pulling the older man’s back to Dean’s chest. “Don’t pout. We’ll get there eventually….At least that’s what I hope.” He whispered into Cas’ ear.

            Cas sighed, feeling his body start to react to Dean. Quickly pulling his body away Cas sat on the grass motioning for Dean to follow. “You hungry? I brought plenty.”

            “Mmmm,” Dean said crouching in front of Cas. “I’m hungry for a lot more than food Cas.”

            “Dean!” Cas sighed, “This is not happening on a first date. And certainly not here in the open. Now sit down and eat some food.”

            “Cas” Dean groaned plopping down. “You’re such a prude.” The accompanying smile told Cas there were no hard feelings.

            “That’s something special Dean. Meant for later in life. You’re too young to be wanting such things.” Dean barked out laughter at his words.

            “Seriously Cas,” He couldn’t bring himself to meet Dean’s green-eyed gaze as his face felt like it was on fire. “Oh.” Cas heard the realization in Dean’s voice. “You’re serious? Cas…” Dean took Cas’ hand, “Are you truly saving yourself for marriage?”

            “I—am” Cas admitted. Unable to meet the younger man’s eyes.

            “Hey” Dean said softly, nudging Cas’ chin up so they could see each other. “That’s cool. I respect that. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna flirt with you any chance I get.” This caused the two of them to bust into more laughter.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_             He’s so beautiful.  _ Dean thought as Cas drove him home.  _ And he’s virgin!  _ The thought making Dean’ pants feel just slightly tighter than usual.  _ How is that even possible!?  _ Dean continued watching the roads fly by much too quickly.  _ He’s so perfect.  _ As the house came into view Dean almost asked Cas to come in for a cup of coffee. But he knew it would be wrong to tempt Cas like that. He’d been through enough.

            So, Dean got out of the car and walked up the porch. Cas following behind. “Well” Dean said.

            “Well we’re here” Cas said softly,

            “I had a great night Cas” Dean said brushing his hand against Cas’ cheek. “When can I see you again?”

            “Tomorrow?” Cas asked hopefully,

            “Tomorrow.” Dean said in confirmation. “I get to plan the night out.”

            “If you’d like.” Cas said blushing again. Turning back to his car.

            “Hey Cas,” He turned around to answer but instead of seeing Dean he felt the soft brush of lips on his. His first true romantic kiss. “Pick me up at 5?” Dean breathed not moving from where he stood.

            “I’ll be here.” Cas managed to choke out through the shock.

            “I’ll be waiting.” Dean leaned back in to take a second kiss before going inside the house. Stunned Cas got into his car and drove to the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed their first date :) I know I liked writing it :D


	10. Stay with Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean asks Cas to stay the night. The morning after Cas realizes just how deep he's in love with Dean.

**Chapter 10: Stay with Me**

            “Stay the weekend?” Dean asked for the millionth time in the last several months expecting the same answer he’d received every time.

            “Dean” Cas chastised,

            “Please Cas. You’ll have your own room and I promise to not come in there while you're resting.”

            “Okay.” He sighed as Dean whooped, “But you better keep your promise.” Cas chuckled, at his boyfriend’s adorable reaction. Given the go ahead Dean started pulling Cas through the front door. Being his first time setting foot in the house Dean gave him the grand tour ending as he led Cas to the master bedroom.

            “Here ya go Cas. Hope you like it.” Dean chuckled nervously, as Cas took in the room.

            “But this is the master bedroom.” He stated confused,

            “It’s my room. I moved into it two years ago when it became apparent dad wasn’t coming home.” Dean explained rubbing his neck nervously.

            “That raises another question entirely Dean Winchester.” Cas said watching the young man carefully, “If I’m staying the weekend in your room where are you going to be sleeping?”

            “You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll be fine” Dean said avoiding Cas’ eyes

            “You’re planning to sleep on the couch aren’t you?” Cas said with a sigh.

            “I want to. Because it means you’re staying in my home and you’re comfortable while being here.” Looking him over once more Castiel could tell Dean was serious but too embarrassed to push the subject more.

            “It’s perfect.” He said moving to pull Dean into a hug and timid kiss. “Much better than a stuffy empty hotel room.”

            “From now on anytime you visit this’ll be your room.” He whispered, blushing beautifully 

            “I’d like that.” His heart felt like it was melting. How was he so lucky to find such a kind caring man. 

            Dean softly pushed their lips together trying to convey all the emotions he was feeling at once by having Cas there with him. He never thought he’d find someone so compatible with himself as he felt with Cas. Dean wanted to possess him mind, body, and soul. “Dean” Cas moaned, half-heartedly pushing the young man away.

            “I know.” Dean said, “I promised. And I plan to keep that promise.”

            “You better.” Cas said leaning in but stopping just before their lips met. “Good night Dean. I’ll see you in the morning.” He groaned as Cas took a step back and carefully closed the bedroom door.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “Morning!” Adam called cheerfully as Cas trudged out of his room. “Dee said you stayed the night!”

            “Adam.” Dean scolded, “I told you to wait until Cas had some coffee in him before you bombarded him.”

            “Sorry Dee” He mumbled, taking a bite of his pancakes.

            “Here Cas. Just how ya like it.” The brain-dead man mumbled thanks before taking a seat at the table. Dean laughed to himself. Cas had warned him he was the exact opposite of a morning person. It certainly seemed to be ringing true.

            “What’s the plan for today?” Cas asked Dean after a couple warm sips of liquid caffeine.

            “Ask Adam” Sam said plopping down with his plate of pancakes. “He seems to know it all.”

            “Little Man?” Cas asked

            “Well Dee said we could take a trip to the bee farm. Something about needing research for a paper but wanting the research to be more fun than a dumbass google search.”

            “ADAM!” Dean scolded, choking on his coffee as Cas and Sam laughed. “What have I told you about using those bad words?”

            “But Dee! You said it! I was just telling Cas what you said!”

            “That’s not how this works Adam Winchester and you know it.” Dean said putting a pile of honey pancakes in front of Cas, kissing him on the head before returning to the kitchen for his own food. “Go get a dollar young man!”  

            “But Deeeeee.” The eight-year-old whined.

            “Don’t start that or I’ll make it two dollars.”

            “Stupid cuss jar.” Adam mumbled irritated as he stomped out of the room.

            “A bee farm?” Cas questioned.

            “Yeah I have to write a paper on bees and how important they are for the environment as my final assignment. I thought it’d be easier if I actually saw one and talked to an actual beekeeper.”

            “Well I think it’s a fun idea.” Cas said placing his hand on Dean’s “How far away is it?”

            “Three hours give or take.” Dean blushed.

            “Then we’d better get moving.” Cas laughed as Adam came in throwing his dollar on the table.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “They’re both so adorable when they’re asleep.” Cas whispered to Dean as he drove them home.  _ Home.  _ Cas thought of Dean’s house as his home. He’d only been there one night and seen it from the outside a handful of other times but it was where Dean lived. And Dean was Home.

            “Yeah” Dean said smiling. “They really are.”

            “I’m happy I got to spend time with all of you.” He knew how much the young boys meant to Dean. They were his world. The fact that Dean let Cas stay under the same roof as his brothers meant things were serious. Not just anyone was allowed in the Winchester house. According to Sam that is.

            “Move in with us.” Dean said not taking his eyes off the road but squeezing Cas’ hand.

            “Excuse me?” Cas asked, stunned.  _ Did Dean really just say that?  _ “Say it again”

            “Castiel Novak would you please move in with us? I know you’re only here on the weekends, but it’d mean the world to me and them if you did.”

            “Dean”

            “You don’t have to answer now. I just wanted to put it out there.” He was nervous. Cas could feel his hand shaking slightly and his pulse pounding.

            “I’d love to.” Leaning across the gap Cas kissed Dean’s cheek. “I know what a big deal this is for you. I only wish I could be out here more often.”

            “Me too Cas. But” Dean said chuckling lightly, “I won’t ever say I want you to leave when you're here with us. We don’t like to see you leave.” It was no longer Me with Dean but Us. Cas realized that he was in far deeper than at first glance. He was a stable figure not only in Dean’s life but Sam’s and Adam’s as well. The brothers were a package deal. If he was going to be with Dean, he would have to deal with and bond with the two younger Winchesters as well. They were a family and Dean was the only caregiver they’d ever known.

            “I hate having to leave you too, Dean.” Cas sighed, “I’m trying to figure things out so I can be here more often with you.”

            “It’s fine. I know things are all over the place with your life. I’m willing to wait for you. Hell, I did once.” He said referring to the months of Cas being in the psychiatric facility “I can handle this waiting now. At least I see and hear from you.”

            “We’ll figure it out soon.” Cas said bringing Dean’s hand to his lips. “I promise.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a year since Dean saved Castiel. The two spend the quiet day together at home relaxing. Such a magical day certainly was special for the two men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my fic up to this point :D I really hope you enjoy this short but adorable chapter <3

**Chapter 11: On the Steps of the Palace**

 

            “Hey you” Dean said leaning against the porch column. Cas couldn’t believe tonight was the night. Everything was ready.

            “Hey yourself.” Cas said, walking up the few stairs, kissing Dean softly. “I missed you.”

            “I missed you too.” Dean grabbed his hand, pulling Cas towards the porch swing. Breathing was getting harder as Cas settled on the swing and Dean snuggled behind him. “You okay?” Dean asked turning his head to kiss Cas.

            “I’m fine. Just had a rough two weeks.” He mumbled kissing the exposed part of Dean’s neck. “I’m so happy to be home with you Dean.”

            “And I’m happy to have you home too.” Pausing Dean slowly brought up the topic he was dying to speak of, “You know what today is Cas?”

            “Of course.”

            “Been a year since that day. Though it feels like a lifetime.” Dean said softly

            “A very different life altogether.”

            “Ya know Cas that day I was sitting here on this swing for the first time in  _ months _ . Bobby had forced me to take a couple days off to spend time with my brothers. It was a Monday and they were at school. So I was home alone. Enjoying the cool weather and silence with a cup of coffee.” Cas held his breath as he listened to Dean’s account of that morning. They’d never spoken about it before. “Out of the blue I hear this small voice calling out for help.” Dean seemed to be thinking back. Cas knew he certainly was. He didn’t remember much but he did remember the feeling of Dean picking him up. “I searched for you for well over an hour, you know.”

            “Really?” Cas asked stunned.

            “Yeah. But I knew what I’d heard and kept searching for you.” Cas pushed closer to Dean, shifting his body slightly, wanting the man as close to him as possible. “I had no clue at the time that my world would be flipped upside by meeting you that day.”

            “As was mine.” Cas turned his neck nuzzling Dean. Resting his head against Dean’s shoulder.

            “You know I care for you deeply right Cas?”

            “Of course, Dean. As do I for you.”

            “I hope this doesn’t sound…weird, but I can see a future with you Cas. I know we’ve only known each other a short while and been dating even less. This might be too early to talk about I know. But I’ve been thinking…maybe you’d consider moving in with us full time.”  _ Seriously!  _ His heart fluttered as he felt Dean shifting nervously.

            “Dean” There were no words. At least, not yet. “Come on,” He said gently pushing off Dean and the swing.

            “Where to?” Dean asked taking Cas’ hand.

            “Let’s go for a walk. It’s a beautiful day. Your brothers are at school. We have all the time in the world to lay around but only so much daylight.”

            “Only for you would I go for a walk Cas.” Dean laughed lightly. The two walked hand in hand into the quiet woods, towards the dirt road. When the dirt drive met the main road the two turned to head back home.

            “Dean”

            “Yes?”

            “I’d like to see the place you found me. Think you could show me?” 

            He looked at Cas with a funny expression. “Why?”

            “Just want to see it. So, I can close that chapter of my life for good.”

            Hesitating Dean wondered if it would really be alright to have Cas reliving that day again. Though he trusted Castiel more than he had anyone else. If he wanted this Dean would do it for him. 

            “Okay. But if you start to freak out we’re leaving right away.” Dean said kissing the man’s nose. “It’s just a way up there.” The men strolled through the woods hand in hand. The crunching leaves beneath their feet and the swirling wind the only noise to be heard. “Here we are.” Dean motioned around them. “It was around here give or take.” He said turning in a circle looking at his surroundings. Cas used that as an opportunity to drop to one knee. Pulling the brown leather ring box from his pocket. “How long did you—” He watched the stunned look fly onto Dean’s face as he turned back towards Castiel.  

            “Dean Winchester. A year ago, I attempted to kill myself thinking there was nothing good left in this world for me. The only memory I have directly after the car crash was here in this area when you lifted me from the cold rocky hell I was in and told me I was going to be okay.” Tears sprang to his eyes as he continued. “You showed me what it meant to love unconditionally. You were there for me the whole time I was in the hospital when no one else was. We were strangers then, and yet when I woke I felt I already knew you. It’s not too early to think about our future together because a future with you is all I can think about. Please make me the happiest I’ve ever been and say we’ll spend all the years of our lives to come together.” He held his breath as the seconds ticked by. Years passed in those precious moments before Dean nodded his head adamantly.

            “Yes! Yes, Cas I’ll marry you!” Though his hands were shaking, and tears streamed down his face as he placed the simple silver band on Dean’s finger, he’d never felt as much happiness as he did in that moment. “Now get up here and kiss me.” Dean joked pulled Cas off the ground.

            “Gladly.” Cas said leaning in.

            “Does this mean you’re finally moving in?” Dean asked wiping away the tears on Cas’ cheeks.

            “As soon as possible. Everything is worked out. I’ll work from home. If I need to go to the office, I’ll just commute the hour to our Kansas branch.”

            “I can’t believe this.” Dean laughed kissing Cas again. “It’s like a dream come true.”

            “Yes, you are” Cas laughed, holding his Fiancé close. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch out for the next chapter :D It's gonna be even more magical to say the least <3


	12. Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's the day. The day Sam and Adam gain another brother but more importantly Dean gains a loving husband. Quickly followed by the wedding night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for coming on this journey with me ^_^ I truly truly hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. This last chapter is a long time coming :D

**Chapter 12:  Ever After**

 

            “Sammy” Adam called with his little bow tie in a knot. “I touched it.”

            “Adam” Sam laughed, “Stop playing with it kido”

            “But it's so soft and nice looking.” He laughed as Sam tickled him. “Hey Bobby,” Sam called,

            “Yes Son?”

            “I'm gonna take Adam to our seats.”

            “Alright by me.”

            “Dee” Adam said leaning up to kiss his big brother, “Love you!”

            “Love you too Little Man”

            “Make sure to Breath Dean.” Sam said hugging him tightly.

            “I am Bitch.”

            “Jerk.” He watched fondly as his brothers walked out the door.

            “You ready for this Son?”

            “As ready as I'm ever gonna be Bobby” Dean felt the firm hand on his shoulder.

            “I'm so proud of you Dean. Cas is a good man. He'll love you and your brothers as much as Jody and I do.”

            “Thanks Bobby” Dean said as the two embraced. When the music started the two turned to walk outside. “Here goes nothing.” Dean mumbled as he stepped outside. On the other side of the aisle Dean saw Cas step out of the tent and the world seemed to stop. His tux was tailored perfectly, hugging all his curves just right. It set off his eyes, seeming making them brighter than usual. Nothing could ever compare to those baby blues. He only had eyes for Cas as they came to stop at the altar.

            “Hey you,” Cas said beaming,

            “Hey yourself,” Dean responded. They had decided beforehand that they would keep it simple. Exchange their individual vows and Jody would officiate.

            “Castiel, If you would go ahead with your vows first?”

            “Yes,” He said quickly unfolding a piece of white paper. Dean took one of Cas’ shaking hands between his. “Dean Winchester, we met during the lowest part of my life. A time I thought I couldn’t survive—” Tears started rolling down his cheek. But he’d never looked more handsome than he did in that moment. “You lifted me up and brought me back to life so that I could be here—today with you—They say marriage means you’re together in sickness and in health. Well since we’ve already gone through the sickness part together. I can’t wait to spend the years of health with you by my side—” Cas said letting a sob out. “I can’t believe you said yes to me.” He chuckled, Dean heard the quiet laughter from their family members, but he had eyes only for his Fiancé. Reaching a steady hand up Dean wiped a couple tears from Cas’ cheeks.

            “My turn?” More chuckles floated on the air.

            “Dean, If you would go ahead with your vows”

            “Yeah,” Dean said taking Cas hands in each of his, “Castiel Novak, when we met I knew you were special. I felt connected to you the moment I took you in my arms.” Though Cas was crying the two kept their eyes on one another. “Since then every moment I’ve spent with you has added to the happiness in my life. There has never been a moment I have wanted to be parted from you. When you asked me to marry you I said yes knowing not only would I be gaining you as a husband and life partner, but my family would be gaining another brother and role model in their lives. You are all I’ve ever wanted and all I’ll ever need in life Cas. It was fate that we met the way we did for no one could complete me the way you do.” As he finished Dean took it all in. The silence, the warm summer breeze, the shaking but firm presence of Cas’ hands in his.

            “Castiel, do you take Dean to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

            “Of course,”

            “And do you Dean take Castiel to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

            “Hell yeah” Triggering a round of chuckles through the family.

            “Then by the power vested in me by the state of Kansas. I now pronounce you two married. You may kiss your groom.” Dean’s hands moved up to Cas’ cheeks as they shared their first kiss as a married couple.

            “Mr. Castiel Winchester” Dean chuckled as they parted. “Has a nice ring to it if I do say so myself.”

            “It certainly does Dean.” The cheering from their family members brought them back to reality. They turned towards them, beaming smiles from ear to ear. “Thank you all so much for being able to share this special day with us.” Cas said looking from Dean’s family to his own. Though the pain of the past was still there, it was slowly healing. Especially seeing as how not only were his brothers in attendance but so were his parents. “Please enjoy the food and company.” Only a few hours until they could finally be alone.

 

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

 

            “Alone at last.” Dean sighed, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist. Pulling his husband closer to him. “Can’t believe we’re here.” Dean said softly, loving the feeling of Cas being so close.

            “Dean.” Cas said shaking with nerves.

            “Hey Hun.” Dean whispered, “No need to be nervous. We’ll take things as slowly as you want.”

            “That’s just it though.” Cas sighed, pulling back slightly. Unable to look Dean in the eye. “I want all of you. Have since we first kissed.” Dean watched the scarlet blush engulf Cas’ face. “But I…I don’t know…what to do.”

            He couldn’t resist kissing Cas. He may be the younger of the pair, but Dean was the more experienced in this particular area. “I’ll take care of you.” Dean said, putting his hands under Cas’ ass and lifting him off the ground. Shocked, Cas wrapped his arms and legs around Dean, attempting to stay upright. “Relax” Dean chuckled, kissing Cas’ shoulder as he carried him towards the bedroom. “I’ve got you.” Laying Cas upon the soft mattress Dean found himself momentarily stunned. “I’m so happy we’re here at last.” Dean whispered leaning down to kiss Cas tenderly.

            Cas reached for and started undoing the buttons of Dean’s suit jacket “I need you.” Cas gasped. “I don’t want to wait.”

            “Patience Love.” Dean chuckled as he stripped off his jacket and shirts. Exposing his bare chest to Cas. Who immediately leaned up to kiss and touch every expanse of Dean’s smooth tanned skin. Within moments Cas was divested of all his clothing and laid bare beneath him. “I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight than in this moment.” Dean kissed his way down Cas’ naked body enjoying every moan and sigh that escaped his husband’s mouth. “Just do what feels right Cas.” Dean breathed as he kissed the tip of Cas’ prominent erection.

            “Dean!” Cas moaned loudly as Dean ran his tongue down the side of his member and sucked lightly on his balls. Dean knew Cas was on a hair trigger. But that didn’t stop him from teasing the man relentlessly.

            “Just go with it Cas.” Dean said before he engulfed the man in one go. He listened to the sweet sound of Cas’ shocked gasps and moans as he came down Dean’s throat. Once finished Dean moved to quickly strip off the rest of his own clothes and grab the things they would need for round two. Slicking up a finger Dean started to massage the rim of Cas’ entrance.

            “Please,” Cas begged, bucking back against Dean’s finger, breaching him for the first time. “My God!” Cas gasped,

            “So eager for my cock Hun?” Dean moaned flexing his finger inside Cas. “Gotta stretch you out. Don’t want to hurt you.” Dean slowly worked in three more fingers. Cas had turned into a moaning, bucking mess while Dean fingered him.

            “Dean, I’m ready!” Cas moaned, “I need you!” God the sounds he made drove Dean crazy.

            “I’m here.” Dean moaned settling his cock between Cas’ legs, gently pressing it against Cas’ entrance. “We’re taking this slow.” Dean said holding Cas’ midsection down as he pushed into the tight heat. “Cas!” Dean moaned loudly as he worked his way into Cas. “You’re so tight!”

            Cas’ small initial sobs were quickly masked by his accompanying moans as he frantically tried to push Dean into himself. “I need…”

            “What do you need Angel?” Dean gasped slowly moving back and forth.

            “Need you inside me! Need you to fuck me into the mattress!” Cas said desperately pulling at Dean “Please! Don’t make me wait!” Cas begged.

            “As you wish.” Dean gasped plunging fully into Cas. Watching him come undone for the second time that night was a beautiful sight to behold. The way his back bowed off the bed, hands clawed at the bedspread beneath him, and channel tightened around him nearly had Dean coming before the fun could truly begin. “God you’re so beautiful Hun.”

            “Dean Winchester.” Cas gasped for air, “You better start fucking me into next week before I tie you to the bed and use your cock as my personal sex toy.” Hearing his virginal husband speak such dirty words made Dean groan.

            “Would love to see that before the honeymoon is over” Dean said, moving his hips. “I can’t believe you’re all mine.” He moaned leaning down kissing him hungrily. “Fuck Cas!” Dean groaned as his hips picked up speed. “You feel amazing!” Shifting the angle just right had Cas seeing stars as Dean struck his prostate.

            “DO THAT AGAIN!” Cas screamed as Dean continued to strike it every couple thrusts. Quickly bringing both men towards the edge. “Fuck!” Cas gasped clawing at Dean’s back as he felt himself cumming again.

            “So tight!!” Dean gasped hips stuttering as he fucked Cas through his orgasm. Feeling his own on the cusp. “CAS!!” He yelled cumming harder than ever before. Pulling out and moving beside Cas before collapsing felt like mission impossible but he managed.

            “That was amazing!” Cas sighed snuggling up to the younger man. “Though I doubt I’ll be able to walk normally for a couple days.”

            Groaning into the pillow Dean answered, “The only places you’ll be walking to is the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom so I wouldn’t worry about it Angel.”

            “I love that plan.” Cas said gently kissing Dean’s shoulder before yawning. “I definitely need some rest before the next round.” Rolling off the bed Dean grabbed a washcloth, cleaned them up and wrapped himself around Cas.

            “A nap does sound nice.” He said kissing Cas’ neck. “We have forever to fuck our way through our fantasy lists.”

            Laughing Cas answered, “That we do.” Linking their hands together Cas slowly drifted off to sleep knowing he was truly loved and treasured by the man of his dreams.  


**Author's Note:**

> :D Hope you liked it!


End file.
